July 2009 - Annie Bellet

Archive for July, 2009

Worse? or… Better?

Got my workshop assigment for Worldcon. (Yes, I’m obsessing… this is me, remember?). The people leading it are freakin awesome and people I’d love to meet. The other two people in it with me? Also awesome, which I was able to glean via google. Thank you google for making me even more insecure. Both of the people with me are published already. On the one hand, I can’t wait to get their stories because I’m betting the stories, even in draft form, will be pretty darn good.

On the other hand, and it’s a big hand, I’m somewhat intimidated. I realize it’s just a workshop, but this whole damn con is in some ways my introduction to the spec lit “scene” so to speak. I’m freakin new to this whole writing as community thing. I’ve taken huge steps in the last year. Joining OWW was a big step (strangers! seeing my writing! oh noes!). Getting into an MFA program was a huge step (professors! seeing my writing! oh noes) (dropping out was another step, though Iv’e decided to commute that to a sentence of a year off to think about things and look at options). Starting to actually send things out on submission was the biggest step of all (editors! seeing my writing! oh n- you get the idea).

And now going to Worldcon. I got my feet wet at NorWescon (pro writers! seeing my writing! oh noes!) and had a blast. I know objectively that I’ll be fine. I’m looking forward to putting faces to names and now that I’ve gone over the huge programming schedule, there are definitely interesting panels to go to. I’ll have way too much to cram in, I’m sure.

And the workshop. I wonder if I made a mistake subbing a story I really love that’s on version 9 or so. It’s gotten a few form rejections and a couple positive rejections, but still, it’s just rejected at this point. I subbed it because I’d like to hear not only how to improve it but really I’m hoping to understand why it isn’t quite hitting the editorial spot. But man, between the starry list of workshop leaders and the two other already publishing workshop-ees, I’m intimidated. I know objectively that I’m nowhere near the number of rejections where I should start wondering if it’s me/the writing, but subjectively I have high standards for myself that so far I’m not meeting. I’ve watched what happens sometimes in workshops to the worst story in the room, so to speak. It often isn’t pretty. Not that I fear people being mean, I doubt they would be. But as an introduction to people I might want at least a professional relationship with, well, being the worst writer in the room… it’s scary.

I just keep returning to the W.S. Merwin poem “Berryman”. “You can’t ever be sure”. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be any good at all. But I’ll keep trying.

Anticipating Anticipation (Worldcon)

I’ve been getting zero writing done due to moving and now to travel plans. First Alaska, then I’m home for two days and finally off to Worldcon in Montreal.

I’m super nervous about Worldcon. I know absolutely no one going, I’ll be totally alone. I’m not so worried about the travel part of it since I survived traveling in Europe by myself no problem. I’m just not sure what to expect and what will happen while I’m there. I’m also slightly sad because this will be the longest my husband and I have been apart, pathetic as that sounds (sigh). I know I’m probably freaking out about nothing and that once I’m there I’ll be fine. There will be things to do and probably people to talk to. But I can’t seem to help being a little nervous. I’d unrealistically hoped to have sold a story or two by now so I’d at least be a SFWA member and have an icebreaker that way, but I likely should have started subbing to markets before Feb of this year if I’d truly wanted that to come about from the real world standpoint. Oh well.

I’m going to take Kim Stanley Robinson’s advice and just go and enjoy myself (I had the good fortune to be able to talk to him about Worldcon this last Spring). And bring a notebook.

I also have little simple business/calling cards now. They’re very basic with name, email, link to this blog etc… I wasn’t sure what to put as the title part, so I just went with writer and editor. I’ve actually been paid to edit things professionally (unlike writing fiction so far…sigh) so I figured I should put that on the card. But since I’m writing full time I added that anyway. Someday I’ll be able to change that to “Author”. Someday.

Speaking of that ‘someday’, I have a story into the workshop at Worldcon. It just came back with a rejection, though again a nice one. I’m close, I can feel it. I haven’t gotten a form letter for the last seven or so rejections, however, they are still rejections. I also have two stories that seem to be in serious contention for publication and are being held for “further consideration” whatever that might actually mean. I suppose for 6 months of submitting, this is good progress. It feels slow sometimes and whenever I talk to my family I get frustrated because they don’t seem to understand that a writing career can and likely will take years until it’s paying at all and likely will never pay all our bills, ever.

I don’t know. I think I’m just at a slump. Once I get home from Alaska and Worldcon I’ll dig into Chwedl. I always feel better when I’m writing. Maybe I’ll take a notebook on the boat in Alaska and do a short story or two. I’ll have nothing but time, after all. Time to worry about Worldcon.

News Quickie

Apparently they are doing a workshop at Worldcon. I sent in two stories, so far I’ve heard they’ll likely have a spot for at least one of them, so we’ll see. My NorWesCon experience was nice and positive and very helpful.

So I’ll get to be workshopped by some more pros, which is awesome. Hopefully they can tell me how to get my stories over the “this is really good, but no thanks” hump…

Whew

Even with insomnia, this last week I got a story up off the ground from rough draft through two edits (thanks OWW people!) and off to the Shine Anthology before their deadline of July 31st. I’m not sure it’s optimistic enough and who knows what they’ll think of the contents/theme, but I figure it’s the first near-future story I’ve written and I think it’s a fairly sweet tale, so maybe they’ll like it. If not, oh well, on to somewhere else.

So far the story a week is happening. I just started the next one, though I need to do more research before I get more than a few opening sentences down (I want the turn of the century Ukraine feel to come across properly). I think I’m getting sick, however, so this story might happen more slowly. Just as long as I get three more written before I go on vacation, I think I’ll be satisfied. Then they can go up on OWW and collect some reviews while I’m gone. Once I get back I can edit, submit, and then buckle down and get the damn novel finished. It’s on like Donkey Kong after I return from Worldcon. That damn novel is taking too long and my wonderful novel edit exchange partner has been doing a great job of sending me critiqued chapters. I need to get the final third written so I can do the edits I so conveniently have piling up.

Then… tackling Casimir Hypogean. It’s almost time. Once these next three shorts are done I’ll have 12 stories in the submission cycle and hopefully the edited Chwedl as well making the agent rounds. After that there’s no excuse not to finish the rewrite of my bane novel. I have the suggestions I got at NorWesCon, I’m armed with the plot, and damn it if I’ll let this stupid project die without giving it a shot. Besides, I really do want to write the sequels. Kinda have to write the first one… you know, first.

All right. Drugs and then sleep. I will not be sick. I will not be sick. I’ve got too much to do!

Insomnia and a Story a Week

Well, my mission to revive Short Story Monday is failing so far. I seem to be sleeping only about every other day which is doing wonky things to my brain. Between that and packing to move, my writing productivity has dropped far too much. I got my third chapter out for the novel chapter exchange with my friend an entire week late, for one. This has to end.

This morning when I couldn’t sleep I worked on a new short story and managed about 1000 words I don’t totally hate. I think I need to let the rest percolate in my head for another day. Hopefully tonight I’ll get some sleep and that will allow me the brain power to finish it. The story is somewhat different from anything I’ve tried before, so no idea if it will work or not. I think the beginning is super rough, but my beginnings are always the worst part. Which is really unfortunate, since beginnings are the first thing people see when they’re reading. I truly have to work on that. It’s what editing is for, right? Right?

I realized though that this story might qualify in terms of theme and feel for the Shine anthology, which means I’d have to get it done and through draft form by the end of July. It’s entirely possible, depending on how many drafts it is going to take. I’m hoping not ten, I think I can reasonably do four drafts in the timeframe, depending on where my beta readers feel the story is at. Of course, I haven’t written the end yet, so my normal predilictions for disaster or ambiguous endings might disqualify it from that anthology, but I’ll worry about that when I get there. I can always try a happier ending version.

In other news I queried on Delilah again, since they’ve had it now for 4 months. Still considering it, apparently. This is a good thing, I think. But damn I’m impatient. It could be my first sale… meep. I just want to know. I hate wait. (Yeah yeah, wrong profession, move along now…)

I’m starting to mini-panic about World Con. I don’t know what I’m going to do there. Sure, go to panels and all that, but I’m going to be all on my own. Will I have the courage to talk to strangers? Will they even care what I have to say? So much easier to hide at home, but I’ve been dreaming about going to Montreal and to a World Con for years and now I can have both at once. Even if I won’t be able to afford to eat while I’m there, heh. I guess I’ll go and try to let things happen as they happen. I’m sure it won’t be nearly as scary as I think it will be. Probably.

I haven’t been staying nearly far away enough from Clarion West blogs as I should. Whoops. Slightly depressed now. I really wish I were there. I’m ready, even if apparently my writing isn’t. I figure I have about 30 weeks until I have to have something new ready for next year’s application. Last year I took a real gamble with the story I chose because even though I love it, I’ve gotten very mixed response to it from “this is really cool, I couldn’t stop thinking about it (the gist of comments from a really well-known author!!!)” to “this doesn’t make much sense, why is everyone crazy and what’s going on?”… I guess I chose poorly. Next year I’ll try to send something (or two somethings) that get a more universal okay.