clarion west Archives - Annie Bellet

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Clarifying Myself, Again

Wow, I didn’t realize that my musings on whether or not to apply to Clarion/Clarion West would stir up the pot so much. Heh. I guess it’s like writing anything, you never know when something will strike a chord or a nerve. (Some of this post is also in response to some private conversations, so don’t think I’m necessarily replying here to any one person, I’m not).

So, to clarify, because clearly some misunderstandings about what/why I’m debating applying/going.

First, for the people who’ve just found this blog and haven’t read any of my older posts where I try to explain my process/speed/goals etc… I recommend this post. And again the caveat, everything I say here applies only to me. It might resonate with others, but I’m just talking about my experiences, my thoughts, and my writing life as it applies to myself.

My last post was just me wondering about Clarion and if it is what I need right now in my writing life. That was it. I asked for experiences/thoughts from those who had gone (or even just applied, I’m always happy to hear other people’s reasons for things) so that I could figure out for myself what I want to do. I would never apply to Clarion without planning what might happen if I got in, that’s just silly to me. One, it would be a waste of the application fee if I decided not to go and got in, and two, it would be poor planning in general (it’s six weeks! Even self-employed as I am, taking six weeks off/away from home isn’t simple). So if I do apply, you’d better believe I’ll have sorted out how to afford it and if I want to go or not. Hence my wondering aloud about whether it is what I need right now (or really, almost a year from now).

And, frankly, I don’t think that Clarion is for everyone. It isn’t just a matter of being able to do the work (one story a week? Read the goals/speed post. I’m really not worried about the work load). I’ve talked to a double handful of people who’ve been through one of the Clarions now and while some rave about it, some don’t. And I don’t know if it is right for me. That’s all I’m debating. No value judgments here, just personal musings.

My reservations about applying/going: one, the round-robin critique style. I’ve done it, lots. I don’t really enjoy it anymore. I think, personally, that it is too easy to get hung up on minor things because you are “critiquing” and therefore have to find something wrong, and I think it is easy for a writer (especially a beginning writer) to try to take everyone’s suggestions and possibly re-write their story into mush. This has been my experience with round-robin style. Feedback is good (I have a couple groups of first readers, whom I treasure and love (when I don’t want to kill them) and should probably bake cookies for more often). Too much feedback just for the sake of having to say something, not so good. I’ve also got my editing cycle down to a science that works for me. It’s a quick cycle, and while I learn from feedback, I don’t re-write in the traditional sense anymore. Ever. If a story is so broken that I’d have to do a major edit, I start over. I’m a learn by doing sort, and doing for me is writing, not rewriting.

Second, six weeks is a huge time commitment. It’s also something I’d have to plan my writing goals around. I don’t write nearly as consistently when I’m not in my home space, so I’d have to try to adjust for that. I’m also an introvert, and social situations drain me, so that is also something for me to consider. While I’d be getting a story a week done at the least, as I said in my last post, I’d be experimenting a lot (after all, isn’t that what workshops are about? Stretching yourself?) and don’t know how much of that writing would be in the “do over” category. Next year my plan is to write four novels for e-books and four for traditional submission. Losing six weeks means a bit of a time crunch. It’s doable, but I’m lazy, remember? So I’d definitely need to plan (and being an introvert, honestly I’d probably lose more like eight weeks- the one before Clarion and the one after on recovery). Clarion/CW’s focus is on short fiction, and while I’m still writing some short fiction (goal is to keep 40-50 shorts out at a time, writing to replace the ones that sell), I’ve transitioned to novels because my goal is to make a living and novels are good for that (and I like writing them).

So yeah, those are my current thoughts. I know that I’d learn a lot and meet many interesting people if I applied/went. I don’t doubt that for many people, Clarion/CW is a great stepping stone in their writer journey and that the experience is amazing. These are things I’m considering and weighing against my other thoughts. Basically, it boils down to this:

Do I want to go to Clarion or Clarion West? Yes. Can I afford to go money-wise? Maybe (I could figure it out). Can I afford to go time-wise? Maybe (again, I could figure it out). Do I need to go in order to have a career as a writer? No. Is Clarion/CW the best use of my time and resources for my writing/career goals right now in my life? I don’t know. And that final question is all I’m trying to answer here.

Hopefully that clarifies things.

Now, to put down the blog (and Starcraft 2), and go finish this novel.

O Munde, hodie aliquid vincam!

Clarion Musings

So, first… my sale. I have sold “No Spaceships Go” to Daily SF, a brand new magazine that will apparently start publishing later this summer/fall. So go subscribe now, because besides my story, it looks like they have lined up some top authors (including fellow PDX writer and Hugo winner David D. Levine). I’m pretty excited. More details whenever I get them.

Also, in other internet news, both Clarion and Clarion West have posted instructor lists for 2011. And wow, they are impressive (okay, when aren’t they? seriously. Sigh). Clarion list is here. Clarion West list is here.

As always, I kinda want to go to Clarion (either Clarion) because writing with both my potential classmates and under the tutelage of professionals such as those listed above would be freaking awesome. I’ve only applied once to Clarion West, and was form rejected. Which doesn’t shock me, it was my first submission to anywhere, ever. (Feb 4th 2009, for those of us ie me keeping track). And frankly, I mostly applied because I really wanted to meet Elizabeth Bear whose work and work ethic I super admire. Probably good I didn’t get in, since I don’t know how I would have survived.

I almost applied to Clarion last year, but decided I couldn’t afford it and took a couple of Dean Wesley Smith’s workshops instead (which, for the sake of honesty, I almost didn’t get in to. While there’s no formal audition like for the Clarions, Dean isn’t a guy who pulls his punches and if he thinks someone isn’t ready, he’ll say so. I’m not sure I was ready, but I am grateful. *grin*). And between discovering those workshops, reading Dean’s motivation posts (and Kristine Rusch’s posts on freelancing), and deciding to truly follow Heinlein’s Rules for Writers, I pretty much completely revolutionized how I was going about getting to my goal of making a living at writing fiction.

So… Clarions. Should I apply? On the one hand, I imagine I’d have a blast and learn a ton. On the other, can I get in? Or afford to go if I did? And, strangely enough, can I afford to take 6 weeks out of my writing schedule to focus on workshop stuffs? I know they write a story a week at the workshops, but frankly, for me, that’s really not an issue, even with additional work like reading on top of it I’m pretty sure I could keep that pace without blinking. But could I keep up my novel/novella/shorts schedule during Clarion/CW if I got in?

I don’t know. I don’t actually write nearly as well, especially on longer works, when I don’t have the comfort and stability of my home schedule and daily routines. I can make myself get some work done, but not with the focus I have at home. And I’m sure that between hanging out with fellow writers, doing the workshop stuffs, and the various functions and parties etc… I’d be pretty socially drained and low energy, which is not a productive state for me.

So if a) I did get in and b) could afford to go, then the question I’d have to consider would be is it worth losing potentially an entire novel’s worth of writing production? I realize I’d come out of the workshop with six short stories, though as to publishable state I can’t say. I hope that if I went I’d be really pushing myself in terms of how I’m writing and what I’m writing about, which might render whatever I write as a do-over, but workshops should be about risk in my opinion. No point going to learn something and not really pushing yourself to stretch out of comfort zones.

So yeah, that’s basically what’s going on in my head now. The line-ups for teachers looks very awesome, but between money and time lost, I just don’t know if the workshop would be worth it at this point.

Things to think about. Fortunately, I have time. I probably won’t make final decision until Feb 2011. By then, if I’m remotely on target, I’ll have five novels being shopped to trad. publishers, book one of my e-book series out, and at least 40 shorts circulating (unless editors buy more/all of them..nudge nudge universe). So I’ll see where I’m at.

Anyone else thinking about applying? Anyone who reads this been to one of the Clarions? What were your experiences?

(And, of course, there is always Odyssey as well, which I’ve heard lovely things about from both the woman who runs it and writers who have attended. So much to consider. Meep.)

Reflections and Going Forward

I’ve now been writing full-time for over a year, technically. I say technically because this time last year, I’d just started graduate school, and it was eating my life while I sat confused and miserable wondering how something that had seemed like such a good idea at the time could go so wrong. In the end, I determined the program I was in wasn’t a good fit for me. I gave it a year, and thought about pushing through the final year. However, I wanted to know if I could actually get a decent amount of writing done without grad school, since my production while in it was pretty poor (about as bad as when I was working 70 hours a week, really).

So I quit. This summer was full of moving, vacations, family obligations, and Worldcon. Even so, in the last four months I’ve managed to write two short stories, get all 10 short stories currently on submission polished as best I’m able, and finish a novel. It’s not been the smoothest going, nor the easiest thing ever. There are days when the rejections stream in (today there were two more…) and everything I do feels like it’ll never amount to anything at all. I even start scanning the job listings wondering if anyone will hire someone who has been out of work a year and has two pretty useless degrees (unless you need some Anglo Saxon translated?).

Then something happens to remind me, to nudge me back onto the path. Some days it’s schadenfreude, I’ll be honest. I read a forum post, or a workshop story post, or I’m talking to someone, or occasionally see something in a magazine and think “god, that’s stupid/terrible/sad, I’m totally not that clueless/bad/pathetic.” Some days it’s seeing how far I’ve come, the days when I read over a line or a paragraph and think “hey, that kinda works, what I did there. I think I understand foreshadowing now!” Some days it’s other people like my first readers who read my stuff and tell me they like this or that, or that they can really see improvement. And some days, the best days, it’s the writing itself, when it grabs me by the brains and I race along the story with every piece falling into place like a master level Go game on fast forward.

And looking ahead, I think I can keep going. I’ve got a novel done, and three people have already finished reading it for me, with two more due to finish in the next week or two. They’re compiling lots of information and commentary for me to sift through so I can make it the best it can be. And reading about the market right now, I’m sort of happy I decided to work on this novel, which is a fantasy with pretty strong romantic elements, instead of trying to finish Casimir Hypogean. Debut science fiction seems like it’s a tough sell right now, so breaking in with a fantasy novel might be easier. Of course, there’s no way to know if Chwedl will even sell. But I’m glad I’m making this the first effort the world might see and saving the more complex stuff for later.

Novel project 2 will have to start in a couple months, as soon as Chwedl’s query is out the door to agents. I’m not sure what to do. Part of me really wants to finish Casimir Hypogean to polished draft and then do roughs of the other two novels in the series just so I have them done enough that if by some chance the first sells, I won’t be coming back years later and tackling that world cold. However, while I think the novels have great potential, I think in some ways the steampunk mysteries I want to write might be an easier pitch. Local alternate history, alchemy, airships, murder, clockwork cats, and quirky characters? I mean, how can I lose? The Casimir story is in my head right now, however. It’s been coalescing for a few years now, ever since I wrote that terrible rough draft. I’m not sure how the third book ends, but I know how the second one goes, and how the third begins. I figure by the time I get there, it’ll be clear how it has to go. The steampunk book will take a lot of research, the Casimir books almost none (and what research there is I can keep doing as I go).

So I have some thinking to do. Meanwhile, I’ve been researching and doing rough quasi-outlines/notes for stories for my crazy short story month plans. It’s definitely time to start thinking about the workshop applications too. I want to apply early this year to all of them, get it out of the way. In some ways, I’m stressing about it more this year than I was last. Last year I really wanted to go, but it was mostly because I wanted to work with the people at CW. This year, I want to go for me. I think that either the Clarions or Odyssey could help push my writing to the next level. I’m clearly on the threshold, if my “nice” rejection stack means anything. I want to get past the personal rejections and make a sale, to write the kinds of stories that editors can’t put down. I think the workshops could help with this, could help me find out what I need to learn or practice to get closer to where I want to be as a writer.

I’ll likely be posting very boring somewhat daily updates during November about my short story mission. Stay tuned for the crazy!

Worldcon Report (of a sort)

and then I’m getting back to writing about writing, I swear *grin*

I got home from Worldcon with the flu, so I’ve been medicated out of my head and curled up with a fever and racking cough this whole last week. It has especially sucked because one of the good things to come out of Worldcon was that I came home with ideas leaping out of everywhere for all of my current projects and some totally new ones. I feel like I just lost a week of my life, thanks flu!

One of the things I meant to do right when I got home was give a more in-depth report on Worldcon. But there are con reports out there and it’s been a week anyway, so I’m just going to mention a few thoughts and highlights.

The workshop was well-run and while I won’t say it was a bucket of fun, I found it informative and helpful. This was the third time I’ve workshopped Space Bones (and the third form the story has been in), and this workshop liked it the least over all, though I’ve read through comments on the drafts that were handed to me and there are some nice comments that no one bothered to say aloud in the workshop, which is ok but did give the impression that it was universally panned when it wasn’t exactly. However, I think that this story has reached the point where I need to shelve it or rip its guts out and try something a little different. I know the story I’m trying to tell. I read over the comments and my notes and I see that the story I want to tell is getting lost somewhere in this version. I like this story too much to give up on it, and besides, it got a very near miss with one editor, so it can’t be that far off something *someone* would like to read. I have some ideas on how to change/fix it, so we’ll see if I can make it work better. I found the level of crit in the workshop on par with Baen’s, blunt but understandable/helpful on a whole. Plus it was good to get to talk to people and meet them without having to introduce myself to strangers. Context is a good thing.

Another highlight of the con was meeting a bunch of local Portland writers. A bit funny that I haven’t met a single local writer until I went thousands of miles away, but oh well, I’d have to probably leave my house and put up with that whole introducing myself to strangers thing more often. I have new blogs to follow and hopefully a few local connections for people to chat about writing (or whatever) with. I also connected with some of the not-local to me writers whose blogs I follow, though that involved a fair bit of stranger talking to, but I held it together, mostly (I think a couple people caught me on the zomg 1am oversocialized talky edge of things, heh…sorry).

Some of the most fun panels I went to were the Odyssey, Clarion, and Anti-workshop panels. I mention them here because in some ways I’m glad I didn’t get into CW this year (sniff). I’m much better informed now about what the different workshops entail and what might be the best fit for me. The Odyssey grads were especially helpful in this, and I think it’s moved to the top of my list for next year (pending what the instructor list for Clarion SD looks like, of course…). Not that I won’t apply to all three, but I’m thinking of seeing if I can get early acceptance to Odyssey since they do that. Of course, after my sound rejection from CW, who knows if I’ll get into anything next year, but I’ve been working my ass off to try to improve and getting the “almosts” to prove it. Hope and Spring and all that. Oh, funny thing about the Anti-workshop panel and the Clarions panel, they almost ended up being opposites. The Clarion grads all admonished people to be sure they knew what they were getting themselves into, while the anti-workshop (really, the hey you can do it without a workshop panel) ended up agreeing that it can be really helpful. Go figure.

This leads up to the strongest message I took away from Worldcon after listening to countless professional writers and editors. Everyone gets there on their own path. No ones methods look the same, no one followed some careful formula for success (well, other than work hard and write a good story), no path to publication or agent or finished drafts look the same. Which was comforting, because sometimes I feel like I’m diving in face first and hoping thats water down there.

Over all, I’m glad I went (flu notwithstanding). Now, back to real life. I need to revise my list of things to do and add in the new ideas/plans. It’s about time for another “things to get written” post, so I’ll work on that for sometime this week. First, however, I need to reread a few chapters of Chwedl so I know what I was thinking when I quit (has it really been a month since I worked on it? Eek. Momentum loss, anyone?) and then start the writing. And maybe do something with the stack of hotel stationary I scribbled all over in Montreal.

Insomnia and a Story a Week

Well, my mission to revive Short Story Monday is failing so far. I seem to be sleeping only about every other day which is doing wonky things to my brain. Between that and packing to move, my writing productivity has dropped far too much. I got my third chapter out for the novel chapter exchange with my friend an entire week late, for one. This has to end.

This morning when I couldn’t sleep I worked on a new short story and managed about 1000 words I don’t totally hate. I think I need to let the rest percolate in my head for another day. Hopefully tonight I’ll get some sleep and that will allow me the brain power to finish it. The story is somewhat different from anything I’ve tried before, so no idea if it will work or not. I think the beginning is super rough, but my beginnings are always the worst part. Which is really unfortunate, since beginnings are the first thing people see when they’re reading. I truly have to work on that. It’s what editing is for, right? Right?

I realized though that this story might qualify in terms of theme and feel for the Shine anthology, which means I’d have to get it done and through draft form by the end of July. It’s entirely possible, depending on how many drafts it is going to take. I’m hoping not ten, I think I can reasonably do four drafts in the timeframe, depending on where my beta readers feel the story is at. Of course, I haven’t written the end yet, so my normal predilictions for disaster or ambiguous endings might disqualify it from that anthology, but I’ll worry about that when I get there. I can always try a happier ending version.

In other news I queried on Delilah again, since they’ve had it now for 4 months. Still considering it, apparently. This is a good thing, I think. But damn I’m impatient. It could be my first sale… meep. I just want to know. I hate wait. (Yeah yeah, wrong profession, move along now…)

I’m starting to mini-panic about World Con. I don’t know what I’m going to do there. Sure, go to panels and all that, but I’m going to be all on my own. Will I have the courage to talk to strangers? Will they even care what I have to say? So much easier to hide at home, but I’ve been dreaming about going to Montreal and to a World Con for years and now I can have both at once. Even if I won’t be able to afford to eat while I’m there, heh. I guess I’ll go and try to let things happen as they happen. I’m sure it won’t be nearly as scary as I think it will be. Probably.

I haven’t been staying nearly far away enough from Clarion West blogs as I should. Whoops. Slightly depressed now. I really wish I were there. I’m ready, even if apparently my writing isn’t. I figure I have about 30 weeks until I have to have something new ready for next year’s application. Last year I took a real gamble with the story I chose because even though I love it, I’ve gotten very mixed response to it from “this is really cool, I couldn’t stop thinking about it (the gist of comments from a really well-known author!!!)” to “this doesn’t make much sense, why is everyone crazy and what’s going on?”… I guess I chose poorly. Next year I’ll try to send something (or two somethings) that get a more universal okay.

WotF and Sadness

Well, I took the plunge and submitted a story to the Writer’s of the Future contest. Wish me luck. I have no idea if they’ll like it, but it’s on the longer side and good old science fiction, so maybe it’s to their taste. It’s my first time. Meep.

In other news, I got yet another rejection in the flavor of “we liked X about this, but it’s not right for us/we can’t use it at this time, submit more”. I feel so near the top, yet in the end it’s functionally the same as being at the bottom. No sales. Grr. Argh. Oh well, head down and sending that story out again.

I’ve been on a very strange sleeping every other day sort of schedule lately for no good reason, so writing has been really sporadic. I think I might abandon writing cohesive whole chapters for the next couple weeks (we’re packing and moving) and work on editing and writing some more short stories. I’ve been reading lots of award winning stories lately trying to pick out what makes them tick/win. I think I’m going to try to get out of my comfort zone and write a few stories using elements I don’t tend to gravitate to, like specifically happy endings and linear, clear plots. I don’t know. I have some ideas.

Meanwhile I’m trying to avoid reading Clarion West blogs because man, that’s depressing. I’ve got over half a year to get some stories to the point that I’ll have a chance. Of course, the story I submitted last year is still one of my all time favorites, so clearly I’m no kind of judge of my own work. That story has since garnered a near-sale and a few nice comments on rejections, so it can’t be totally bad. Once it gets back from the latest submission place I might post it in the JBU slush and let the grinder that are those commenters take a stab at it. Or maybe it’ll get bought, finally. We’ll see. So yeah, NOT thinking about Clarion West 4 hours to the north for the next few weeks. Nope. Not at all.

So, To Sum Up My Rejection Woe

Clarion West: Rejected.

Space Bones: Rejected (by CW and the place it was out for submission)

Total rejections counting CW now: 5 (four form letter, 1 personal)

It’s almost enough to make a girl start drinking again.

On the plus side, I’ve come up with a cool story to write this week and solved a problem that I was having when thinking about the world of my Giant Novel of Doom that I’m still a decade away from writing. So at least my stupid brain goes on despite my heart trying to tell it I have no chance and will never ever amount to anything.

495 rejections left.

Tired of Editing

I think the subject says it all. I’m sick of editing things. I haven’t actually written anything wholly new for a few weeks now, though I think being sick/in hospital combined with trying to keep up with submissions and school work is partially a good excuse.

Edited Delilah today, so whenever it gets rejected I’ll at least have a new better faster stronger draft to send out. I actually kind of hope it does get rejected, because I like this version better. I figure best case senario though, they buy the story and I can offer them this draft as a “hey! this is like totally way better, want this version?” since the draft isn’t that different from the original. I removed a couple scenes and added a couple, so the length is about the same and I think the character development/motivation is hopefully more clear now as well.

I really should edit Blade Bearer, but I think I’ll wait on that until the peeps at NorWesCon tear into it. I’m being workshopped by such awesome pros as Cat Rambo, Lizzy Shannon, Brenda Cooper, and Jeff Carlson. It’s pretty darn cool they’re giving time out to do critiques, as much as I’m super nervous that I’ll get the nice version of “don’t quit your day job” (and then have to explain I already quit my day job…).

This week though I think I’ll start writing again, new stuff. I’d like to have a rough draft of Chwedl by April. Spring break is coming up (I think I’m done with class in about a week from Wed) and that should give me plenty of time to finish up whatever I don’t get to in the next two weeks. 15k words a week should do it. I’m not sure how Aine is going to solve the problem in front of her, but I’m sure something will come out while I’m writing (and if my solution sucks, it would be a fairly easy rewrite given the structure).

They’ve started calling people about Clarion West. No word yet either way for me. I’m trying to just keep my head down and work and not stress over whether or not I got in, but damn it’s hard. I really like the story I submitted, but I can see where it might get a mixed reception, so we’ll see. Hopefully they’ll think I have promise and give me a shot. I think it would be an amazing experience, at the least, and a step I’m ready for. I’m keeping my game face (mostly) on and thinking “next year!” if I don’t make it this one. But I really want to make it this year. The line up this year looks amazing. (Ok, it pretty much always does every year, but still…)

No word on Space Bones or Delilah either. I hate wait.

Let Me Explain

No wait, there is too much. Let me sum up…

So far my workshop class this term is going far better though I’ve discovered sort of alarmingly that I really don’t like workshopping other people’s work (selfish as that sounds). It often devolves to arguing semantics, which is fun for a while, but week after week? Also, there was one story turned in by a published author that I didn’t actually do a critique response on because I found the writing and story impossibly boring. Not bad, just completely uninteresting in pretty much all ways. I couldn’t think of a nice way to say this, so I didn’t say anything.

And I just finished up my Clarion West application and sent it in. I formatted the two stories I wanted to send and realized that in the different font they were pages longer than they had been. So I had to choose between the two. I finally settled on Space Bones since I think the character interaction and dialogue is probably sharper than in Delilah. Also, the plot is more ambiguous and less biblically inevitable (as one friend put it). So there’s that. This is going to be the longest month ever, isn’t it? I’m not sure I dig the whole submitting thing.

So, to sum up:

I hate wait. Also, Nobu, finish the damn novel.

That’s all.